To Love Life
I believe to truly love your life one needs to take the good, bad, and everything in between. Appreciate it, learn from it, and know that the experience is why you came to be.
At times loving life is easier said than done. I have had a great life and it was always easy for me to say that I loved my life. I would say it so casually not truly understanding the gravity of the statement. But these past few weeks tested my belief. My son's appendix ruptured and we did not know it for over a week. He did not have the typical symptoms. We believed it was a sports injury and treated it as such. Ultimately he landed in the emergency room followed by a four day stay in the hospital and a drain in his back. He is home now and significantly better but still has to have surgery in the weeks to come.
This has been the hardest two plus weeks I have ever had-mentally, physically, and spiritually. I experienced mommy guilt, was unable to clearly connect with my higher self/Source, and still needed to be strong for my son. I wouldn't wish the roller coaster of emotions I experienced on anyone. I was physically exhausted and was trying to understand why this was happening. My boyfriend and I alternated nights staying with our son.The few nights that I was not at the hospital I just sat at home staring off into space. No interest in doing anything. I finally got the television to myself and could binge watch HGTV or the food network and I had no desire to watch anything. Down deep I knew everything would be okay but I couldn't stand seeing my son hooked up to machines. It was a waiting game.
Now that we are home and he is healing quicker than doctors thought possible I have time to reflect on why this happened. All of us have lesson to take away from this experience. Mine include:
1) Having the courage to listen to Source in a time of crisis. I said earlier that I was unable to connect with my higher self, but in reality I was too scared. I was afraid to know what was really happening. I shut myself down and messages that were given were not heard.
2) To always live in the moment. In good or bad times being in the moment allows you to feel completely and to see clearly. In the hospital I would stare at my son sleeping and see his light from within. When he had pain I would experience it as well. When he would laugh I saw and felt his joy.
Life goes by quickly. Always looking to what is next, what we don't have or what we are working towards. When this all happened I was in the middle of writing my first novel. The process was all consuming, but that and everything else in my life came to a standstill. Nothing was more important than being with my son. This experience gave me the opportunity to truly see my son. To have that connection again that we had when he was young. To see him for the young man he is becoming.
Now when I say that I love my life, I say it with real purpose knowing that everyday I am learning to love everything my life has to offer fully and unconditionally.