Today’s blog post is more for me than anyone who reads this. It is an outpouring of frustration and fear with the hopes that by the time I am done writing this, I will have the clarity and strength that I desire.
Living the awakened life is not as easy and uplifting as all the social media quotes my have you to believe. There are times of internal struggle. Knowing what needs to be done, having the strength it requires to do it, and knowing it will turn out as it is supposed to.
My journey to awakening started in late 2017. Through the process I was reminded that my purpose on this earth is to help others heal via my words, either written or spoken. For a person who believed she had nothing to say, this was an enormous change. A huge leap of faith.
I have taken another step closer to my purpose and wrote a novel about a woman who is remembering who she is and the emotional rollercoaster she experiences on her journey to finding true self. Funny enough, I am on that same journey, and I have to admit it is scary at times. For those that do not know me, I am an introvert. I prefer to stay behind the scenes, and I choose to only speak when I have something worthwhile to say. So why did I write this book? Because I was guided by my higher self to share my experiences with the purpose that it will help others heal.
Putting myself out there scared me greatly. What if people did not like what I had to say? Wonder if everyone thought I was crazy? Don’t get me wrong those thoughts still enter my mind, but I have worked hard to overcome them and know that my words already have helped people heal.
Where my greatest struggle lies is in the practical – making money. It has been said time and time again, do what you love, and the money will come. I genuinely believe that to be true, but when you are in the middle of it and the financial abundance is slow to come, things get scary.
My ego does not trust such statements. It wants to know when will the money come and how much? I know that these types of thoughts put my energy in lack and the more I think this way the more negative energy comes my way. I know what I need to do but am scared to do it. Know that everything is okay and that it will turn out better than I could ever imagine. My heart knows this and reminds me often, but my ego/head are united and urge me to go back to what I know. Get a corporate job, make money, and everything will be okay. My heart knows differently. It knows the truth.
By outwardly expressing my fears, they are slowly being released and I am now hearing more clearly. My higher self has reminded me to give myself grace. It is okay to be frightened, but I need to focus on listening more to my heart than my head. The more I listen to my heart the quieter my ego/head becomes. It reminds me to love myself, to be present, and to appreciate. As one of the characters in my books said – “I am wealthier than my bank account may show.”
Thanks for reading this rant. Writing it has helped me greatly and I hope some how it has helped someone else out there.