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The power of holding space

Writer's picture: Victoria WrightVictoria Wright

A woman holding space for another woman
A woman holding space for another woman

What does it mean to hold space for someone? Holding space is when you offer a non-judgmental environment where you are fully present and actively listening to the other person. You allow the other person to express their emotions without having the need to fix or solve their problems. To hold space for someone provides a great service for them because it allows their emotions to be released.


For the person who is holding space, it is important to just observe and not take on the other person’s emotion/energy. I like to believe when done properly holding space is creating a portal for the other person to unload their emotions so they can be freely released without burden to anyone else.


For me, it is easier to hold space when I am not vested in the issue. I allow myself to be present and the emotions/energy pass through me like sand passing through a sieve. However, if for some reason I find myself vested, instead of the emotion/energy effortlessly passing through me, it becomes sticky and stays with me. Holding space requires more focus. A simple example is your friend is upset, they are feeling anxious, and they are telling you what happened. You listen intently, letting them vent and clear their mind. They walk away happy because you listened without judgement, and they were able to release the emotion. However, you are now the one feeling their anxiety, even though you didn’t experience the event firsthand. For the rest of the day, you are out of sorts because of what your friend shared with you. Your friend was able to free their emotion, but unfortunately it is now stuck on you.  


Sometimes we may not be unaware that we have taken on the other person’s emotion/energy until we find ourselves grumpy or upset but we don’t know why. I have experienced this situation many times and have finally realized that holding space does not mean that we must also hold the emotion. There are strategies that can be used to release unwanted emotions/energy, and the following are the ones that I use often.


1)     “I easily release [insert emotion]” – This is a strategy that my good friend Jessica Rink, CEO of Intuition Mindset introduced me to. Making this statement gives permission for the emotion/energy to be released. Depending on how sticky it is, it may take a few tries to release it, but in time the emotion/energy will dissipate.


2)      Waterfall cleanse – Per my post on grounding [https://www.healingwords.online/post/what-does-it-mean-to-be-grounded] water has the ability to ground us and provide stability. Visualizing standing under a waterfall allows the emotion to simply wash away and dissolve in the water.


3)      Sand flowing through a sieve – If you have ever heard the saying “my mind is like a sieve” it generally means that you can’t remember a thing. The reason is that thoughts are flowing freely through your mind, you observe, and they move on. Most people connotate this expression as negative, but for me it’s all positive since there are no thoughts or emotions/energy sticking or hanging around. When I am holding space and listening to the other person, I visualize their words as grains of sand that are easily flowing through the sieve. If I see a cluster of sand (i.e. a sticky emotion) I add a little pressure or greater focus just like I would to break up a clump of sand so that it easily passes through. This visualization exercise reminds me to stay in the moment and simply observe the emotions/energy.


4)      Focus on something different – When all else fails, I take myself out of the situation and focus on something completely different. Per Ester Hicks, inspirational speaker and channeler “Your attention to it, invites it in.” So, if you change your attention, the other emotion/energy will have to leave. The key to this strategy is to not return to the old emotion/energy, because if you give it attention, it will be happy to come back and stick around for a while.  


Energy/emotions are a gift that we are given to experience this life fully, but when they hang around or are not ours to hold, they need to be released. If after holding space for someone, you feel off, ask yourself “is this my emotion/energy or someone else’s’?” Listen and you will receive your answer. If it is someone else’s try one of the strategies. If it is yours, you may need to ask yourself a few more questions about why this emotion/energy is sticking around. Holding space is a powerful tool. Provide the same level of attention and care to the process and yourself as you do to the individual for whom you are holding space.

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