I Wonder How We Got Here.
- Victoria Wright
- Oct 7
- 3 min read
I see him now, strong, confident, good-hearted and I wonder how we got here. There were times when I wanted to rage against the kids that tormented, teased, and ultimately bullied him. I remember crying because I knew he was hurting. All he wanted, just like any kid, was to be accepted, to have friends, and to have fun. I can honestly say I didn’t know if that day would ever come. Time, love, and constant encouragement were the tools we used to help him realize that what others think of him doesn’t matter. What he thinks of himself is what’s important. He found his people, but there are still many kids who are trying to fit into a mold that was created by someone else. Afraid to be themselves because they will be laughed at or bullied.
One out of four teens are bullied. Nine out of ten LBGTQ+ students are harassed. One out of five kids admit to being a bully and 43% of teens, 97% of middle schoolers and 47% of older teens 18-24 are cyberbullied[i] Those statistics are alarming and when the bully or the bullied do not heal from those experiences, they take those beliefs and fears into adulthood. And yes, bullying happens to adults as well.
Bullying is defined as seeking to harm, intimidate, or coerce – someone who is perceived as vulnerable. There are some common attributes to the act of bullying. Repetition or pattern of behavior, the actions are intimidating or malicious, a power imbalance, risk of harm to the other person’s health (mental, physical, emotional). Bullying can be done through verbal, physical, emotional/social or cyberbullying attacks.
As adults, this topic may not be top of mind until we hear about violence in schools or a family member is experiencing it. But it is something that impacts us all. I’m sure if I asked each one of you who is reading this if you had ever been bullied, I would guess 99% of you would say that you had been. For some, the experience came and went. For others, it planted a seed that has unknowingly stayed with you your entire life. Changing how you think about yourself and your place in this world. I have heard people say it’s only teasing and it’s a part of life. But does it have to be?
How do we create real change? It begins by looking honestly in the mirror. At its core, bullying is rooted in fear - fear of differences, fear of the unknown, fear of not belonging. For many, it feels safer to push someone else down than to risk being pushed down themselves. But children don’t learn this behavior in isolation. When adults judge, criticize, or belittle others, young people notice. And because of who said it, they trust it, absorb it, and those negative seeds can take root - growing like weeds in their minds.
The reality is sobering: every seven minutes, a child is bullied on the playground. Yet most of the time, no one steps in. Adult intervention happens only 4% of the time, peers just 11%, and in 85% of cases, no one intervenes at all[ii]. Bullies thrive when they sense someone is isolated. But when others stand together, the power shifts.
The good news? Change is possible. When a child finds the courage to share what’s happening - and when we create safe spaces for them to do so - they realize they are not alone. That moment of connection opens the door to healing, resilience, and the kind of support that can stop bullying in its tracks.
October is Bullying Prevention Month, and we all have a role to play. Go within yourself and give the safety and counsel you needed as a young person to another, stand up or speak out when you witness bullying, and be mindful of our own thoughts and beliefs about other people. We can make change, and it starts with us first. As Neepa Irving said in The Quiet Butterfly “we have the strength of many to make a transformation for those who are not as strong.”
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