The Blame Game

Everyone blaming everyone else

The blame game happens when one person blames another for something they may or may not have done to escape responsibility or trouble. The dog ate my homework example comes to mind.  It can also apply when blame is put on someone else for the emotion they are feeling. Let’s say you had a long day at work, and you come home to a mess of white synthetic puffs strewn all over the house. Your dog is sitting there wagging its tail as cute as can be with the smoking gun, the remains of a shredded pillow still in its mouth. You explode, yelling at the dog.  

There were multiple reactions you could have had to this situation, and you chose anger. You may have found the situation funny because your fur baby looked so cute, or instead of exploding you may have become only slightly miffed since the dog had been in the house all day. The key to all of this is that you had a choice. Later that evening when you recapped the incident to a friend, you blamed the dog for making you angry. Is that completely true? Sort of. Yes, the dog destroyed the pillow but is it really the dog’s fault that you exploded and are still feeling angry?

As humans we have the ability to experience a complex array of emotions due to our advanced cognitive abilities such as self-awareness and abstract thinking. This allows us to feel multiple emotions at the same time. Anger at the dog as well as guilt because she was left in the house for too long. When we take responsibility for our emotions it grants the opportunity to become more aware of the reason for the emotions. Or said another way, no one can make us feel a certain way, only we can decide how we feel. In this example the destruction and mess made by the dog were definitely a nuisance, but having a long day at work and being tired was probably the true cause of the outburst of anger.

In the end, the blame game is all about how we can deflect responsibility. However, when we take responsibility for our own emotions, we 1) empower ourselves to learn from our mistakes or experiences, 2) develop emotional maturity, and 3) make more thoughtful and deliberate choices.  

Next time you catch yourself blaming someone for how you feel, take a moment to pause and remember: you hold the power to create your own emotions. Breathe, step back, and give yourself the space to really explore what’s driving that feeling. You might be surprised by what you discover as the true source of your emotions.