Fear of Success
This morning I realized that I have a fear that I hadn’t identified before or should I say hadn’t wanted to pay attention to before. My fear is that I will be a successful writer. That may sound odd since I have now dedicated my life to writing. Sitting outside watching the birds flit about from branch to branch, I realized I could not comfortably nor easily visualize where I wanted to be as a writer. I had put it out into the Universe when my first novel launched the bodacious goal that I would be a New York Times bestselling author. That seemed legit but as time passed and the popularity of my series was not what it needed to be to make that list, the desire waned. I love my writing and believe my series is compelling, entertaining, and helpful to others, but it takes a lot of work to get a book noticed particularly as an independent author. There is advertising, social media, newsletters, websites, blogs, author talks, reviews, to name a few. Many of these tactics takes money, but more importantly they take time and effort to do them well. Personally, I have done them half ass. There has been some success, but overall, nothing has taken off like I had hoped. In my mind I am playing the long game, or am I?
In all honesty, I could hire someone to do many of these marketing tactics and I am sure I will see greater success. So, why don’t I you may ask. Because I fear where it may lead me. Ominous right? But down deep, I am afraid that my success as a writer will change my life, create stress that I worked so hard to eliminate, move me into the spotlight, and open me up to criticism. Dily, I visualize the things and experiences that I desire in my life. In general, I desire peace and happiness, but I will also visualize specific things like a meeting outcome or arriving easily and quickly to a place I hadn’t been before. When I thought about hiring someone to do marketing, I couldn’t articulate why. Was it to sell books? Was it to become noticed so more people read my blog or listened to my podcast? What was the purpose? Then a sensation overcame me, if more people knew about me then I could no longer be in the background or slide under the radar. People would comment and question my work and they may not do it nicely. Is that what I wanted? Will success take me away from my family and alter my peaceful life? It could, but does it have to?
As soon as I realized my fear, I was given the clarity to overcome it. Being reminded that I am the creator of my life, and my success doesn’t have to be what others deem as successful. So, now it is up to me to take the time to go deep inside and determine what I truly desire–what success means to me. When I can articulate that, then through visualization and focus I will be guided to my success. So, I declare for all to read that I truly desire to be a successful writer. I define my success as:
1) To have the freedom to be with my family, write when I desire to write, and travel when we/I desire to travel.
2) To always have more financial resources than I will ever need so we can have amazing experiences as a family, I can be more philanthropic, and can invest in businesses that think outside of the box intending to create a better world.
3) To have speaking opportunities to share my books and spiritual journey with others.
4) To have resources that support my writing career, my other creative endeavors, and to further develop my writing abilities.
Defining my success has helped me to ease my fears and has allowed me to open myself to the success that is waiting for me. So, in the end do I need to hire marketing support? Yes, I do and now I have the clarity to do so.