Go back as far as you can remember. Can you think of a time when you didn’t need permission? Permission from someone other than you to do or have things you couldn’t get or do yourself. Now compare that to when you were born. The day you popped out you didn’t ask for permission. You demanded what you wanted, and your caregiver worked around the clock to give it to you. One day the tables turned and everything changed.
A child is taught as early as toddlerhood that it is no longer in charge. That their actions have an impact on others. They are shown that it is polite or respectful to ask and receive permission before proceeding. “May I have a snack?” “Can I go out and play?” “May I leave the table?” Then as we get older and try to challenge the status quo we hear “you just can’t do what you want.”
The need for permission is continually reinforced throughout our lives. Now, instead of asking for a snack we are asking for vacation time or needing to check in with the family calendar before scheduling a night out with friends. Because we have been pre-conditioned so early in life, we find ourselves seeking permission even when we don’t need to. Why is permission desired when we are grown adults responsible for our own lives and why do we feel better when we get it?
Receiving permission provides psychological benefits. Validation of opinion or desired actions. Reduction of anxiety from the potential of judgment or disapproval. Empowerment to do what is needed and behavioral change as a result of the perceived freedom. Freedom. That’s it! Receiving permission gives us a sense of freedom. Yes, we are free to have that snack, go out and play or take that vacation. As adults, we forget to allow ourselves the freedom to pursue happiness.
Think about the last time you gave yourself permission. How did it feel - liberating, exciting, rebellious? I’m not recommending doing what we want whenever we want to without any regard for the people around us. What I am suggesting is that we stop seeking permission from others to do what makes us happy, to give us the freedom we desire, when we have the ability to give it to ourselves.
We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness, so why do we give that responsibility away to others. Why do we wait for someone else to say, your free to be happy when we should be saying that to ourselves. The next time you find yourself hesitating to do something that brings you joy, and you don’t know why. It may be because you are waiting for permission. Do something radical, give it to yourself. Give yourself permission to be happy.
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